Dear Diary,

Today I write my first letter to you, in hopes of getting rid of some sadness welling up in me. An experience happened recently that has changed my outlook on things, friends especially.

You see, just last Saturday, I found out some terrible news that one of my best friends was leaving the country pretty soon. I was devastated. Although I knew that this would come eventually, I forced myself not to believe this fact. I guess the sudden reality of this fact shattered me.

I guess what makes my friend's early departure even more painful is that I've wasted so much time disregarding our friendship. For two years, I hardly talked to him because I was clouded by my dreams of getting awards and hanging with the other awardees. Now, when I've gotten close to him again, he has to leave. Indeed regret is one of the most painful experiences a guy can endure.

I guess you could say that I also feel bad about the things I'll never get to do with him again. The concert I had a few weeks ago will be the last he'll see of me unless some twist of fate allows me to do so. I'll also miss the projects that we worked on together, the times when he kept me in check, or the times where we would slack off when doing them. I don't even want to think about the empty chair beside me where he should have been to share a few laughs or to ask a few questions. Simple things like these, are sometimes the most painful for me.

This whole ordeal has caused me to think about all my friends and how I want to hold them closer. I don't want to feel regret like I do now for the things I didn't do.

This brings me to my next issue I'd like to tell you about. Sometime last year, I guess you could say that I got back together with a friend whom I met around Grade 3. We've been together in the same Barkada, and, since I've decided to hold my friends ever closer, I thought that I've also wasted so many years not valuing this friendship all the way from Grade 3. I guess you could say that I want to make up for it now.

This friend of mine is currently going through several personal problems which I will not write here. I guess I feel that I want to help him somehow any way that I can. The thing is, I often can't even think of ways to comfort him, since I am inexperienced in the problems he feels. The best I could do so far was listen intently to anything he had to say, and offer some comfort when I can. I feel so helpless right now. @_@ I guess that the only thing I want is to be able to share in the pain so that he will be relieved somehwo, but even this is impossible for an ordinary person like me.

If I could hope for anything, I'd hope for two things.
First, that I can somehow settle my sorrow over my (first) friend's leaving.
Second, I wish that I were able to help my other friend better and that he realizes the effort that I'm putting in to back him up.

Life sucks alright. I guess I'm still trying to fight that fact.
Thanks for listening man.

Your Pal,
Vithzerai